Arson for Healing

Vicious shaking
Can’t stop the vicious shaking
She’s busy
So busy, quaking
Can you feel it feel it
Can you feel it
Temperatures rising
Hearts palpitating
Her pulse is racing
Sick to the stomach
Cartwheels turning t-t-turning
Upside down
Sick and tired
Upside down
She’s so fucking tired
Like bile, can you taste the hate
Sick-like, choking
Frustration builds like
Being trapped in a pressure cooker
Volcanic, toxic ash tainting
Every surface
Sick
Sick
Sick
She so fucking sick and tired
So so sick
So so tired
Lets watch it all burn
Lets light the match
Lets drop the fire
Arson for healing

A Sweet Surprise

This arrived for me today from the girlfriend :)

Pansexuality

About a year or so ago, I started freaking out about my sexuality. I was in a long term relationship with a man and suddenly realized I was incredibly attracted to women. This relationship ended for many reasons, and not just my confusion. Currently I'm dating a woman. At first I thought I was just a lesbian and came to terms with it, but over time I've realized that I haven't lost my attraction to men, or people in between. I don't really like labels all that much, but I needed one to help me make sense of myself. After a brief identity crisis, I found a term that gave me peace: Pansexual. (cue dramatic music!)

Pansexuality basically means that you're attracted to whomever you are attracted to. Man, woman, trans, etc... I like to think that I just love a person depending on who they are, and not for their genitalia.

Trust me when I say it's different than bisexuality. Bisexuality is an attraction solely to males and females. Pansexuality looks at gender as something that flows between two opposite ends of a continuum.

Pansexuality should NOT be confused with polygamy. Just because you find yourself attracted to a wide variety of human beings doesn't mean you are dating all of those people at once. For me, monogamy is incredibly important and necessary.

What do you classify your sexuality as?


"All sexualities are more fluid than their definitions suggest, because there is a consuming, powerful, complex chemical event that the brain can experience: love. Love laughs in the face of rules and definitions."

-Unknown

My anti-depressant

I suffer from anxiety and depression - no joke. It gets horrendous sometimes. There's one thing that never fails to make me feel better, and that is children. Specifically the one in this entry...though I don't get to see her enough.

You can't resist something that adorable. She's sassy, sweet, at wayyy too smart for her own good. I hope one day I get to have or adopt a lil gremlin like her :D

Bubble Forts

This weekend my family (parents and brother) went to Appleton, WI to visit family. It was incredibly relaxing and hilarious. My family is perverse and all about the too much information for a laugh. I got to see my cousin's daughter, who is just beautiful and adorable and starting to form sentences that fractionally make sense.

On the last night of our stay, my brother and I made a bubble fort. We took a sheet and tucked one end under a mattress and used the fan to hold the middle up. We sat in there watching King of the Hill and giggling like we were 5 for 2 hours. It. Was. Awesome.

I better never lose the kid in me.

P.S. The translation of the face I'm making says, "My dad keeps belching garlic sausage and I'm starting to get nauseous."

Because balls really are bizarre...

Whitney Cummings is awesome, and gorgeous. I just found this and it cracked me up.]

Jokes.com
Whitney Cummings - Balls Are Disgusting
comedians.comedycentral.com
Whitney Cummings Videos Whitney Cummings Jokes Hasselhoff Roast Videos

Love, love, love

We all dream of love. Well, unless you are a sociopath or have a narcissistic personality (then I suppose you love yourself...). People in general spend a lot of time dreaming about love. We grow up with fairytale stories about it, watch movies that revolve around it, plot how we'll find it, keep it, strengthen it... Sometimes I think it's incredibly complex, and other times it seems so simple.

I've loved and lost a fair amount of times in my 24 years. With each cycle I learn something new, or maybe remember something I forgot. Sometimes I think I make it too complicated. Perhaps I have focused too much on how I think it should go, as if I were following a recipe, and forget to enjoy and appreciate it in the moment.

So what's important in terms of love? I think it's finding a part of yourself in another person. Finding someone you can trust and rely on, who makes you a better, more well-rounded person. At least, I think that's part of it. This world is big, hard, and lonely (not to be confused with horny men on the internet...), a team-mate/partner in crime would be excellent.

What is love to you?